Oh Dear, Poor Blonds Do Take It Hard.

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Blondie questions....

QUESTION How do blonde braincells die ?
ANSWER: Alone.

QUESTION How do you brainwash a blonde?
ANSWER: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

QUESTION How do you change a blonde's mind?
ANSWER1: Blow in her ear.
ANSWER2: Buy her another beer.

QUESTION How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
ANSWER: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

QUESTION HOW DO YOU KEEP A BLONDE BUSY ALL DAY?
ANSWER: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.

QUESTION HOW DID THE BLONDE DIE ICE FISHING?
ANSWER: She was run over by the zambonis machine.

QUESTION How do you get a blonde pregnant?
ANSWER: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

QUESTION How do you get a blonde to marry you?
ANSWER: Tell her she's pregnant.

QUESTION What will she ask you?
ANSWER: "Is it mine?"

QUESTION How do you get a blonde off of your knees?
ANSWER: Come.

QUESTION How does a blond spell farm?
ANSWER: E-I-E-I-O

QUESTION How does a bitchy blonde do it doggy style?
ANSWER: She takes off her clothes and makes her boyfriend roll over and beg.

QUESTION How does a blond kill a fish?
ANSWER: She drowns it.

QUESTION A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
ANSWER: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

QUESTION How does a blonde hold her liquor?
ANSWER: By the ears.

QUESTION How do you know a blond likes you?
ANSWER: She screws you two nights in a row.

QUESTION How do you know a blonde has just lost her virginity?
ANSWER: Her crayons are still sticky.

QUESTION How does a blonde moonwalk?
ANSWER: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

QUESTION WHY IS A BLONDE LIKE AUSTRALIA?
ANSWER: They're both down under, and no one cares.

QUESTION WHY DON`T BLONDES LIKE ANAL SEX?
ANSWER: They don`t like their brains being screwed with.

QUESTION WHY CAN`T BLONDES WATER-SKI?
ANSWER: When they get their crotch wet they think they have to lay down.

QUESTION WHY ARE BLONDES LIKE PIANOS?
ANSWER: When they aren't upright, they're grand.

QUESTION WHY ARE BLONDES SO EASY TO GET INTO BED?
ANSWER: Who cares?

QUESTION Why can't blondes count to 70?
ANSWER: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

QUESTION Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
ANSWER: The rest are hunt'n peckers.

QUESTION How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
ANSWER: They spread for the bread.

QUESTION What do you call a blonde on a waterbed?
ANSWER: Cherry Float

QUESTION What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
ANSWER: Run like Hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

QUESTION What do you call a blonde golfer with an IQ of 125?
ANSWER: a foursome.

QUESTION What do you give the blonde that has everything?
ANSWER: Penicillin.

QUESTION What do you call a blond mother-in-law?
ANSWER: An air bag.

QUESTION What nickname is most used by blondes in order to boost their popularity?
ANSWER: B.J.

QUESTION Why are blonde's coffins Y-shaped?
ANSWER: Because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.

QUESTION Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
ANSWER: To avoid the draft.

QUESTION Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
ANSWER: They have to pull their own pants down.

QUESTION Why do blondes wear panties?
ANSWER: To keep their ankles warm.

QUESTION Why should you never take a blonde out for coffee?
ANSWER: It's too hard to re-train them.

QUESTION What do blondes do for foreplay?
ANSWER: Remove their underwear.

QUESTION What do blonde virgins eat?
ANSWER: Baby food.

QUESTION What's the mating call of the blonde?
ANSWER: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"

QUESTION What is the mating call of the ugly blonde?
ANSWER: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"

QUESTION What's the mating call of the brunette?
ANSWER1: "All the blondes have gone home!"
ANSWER2: Has that blonde gone yet?
ANSWER3: When is that blond bitch going to leave!?

QUESTION What's the mating call of the redhead?
ANSWER: "Next!"

QUESTION How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
ANSWER: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

QUESTION What is blonde and green and jumps from bed to bed?
ANSWER: A prostitoad.

QUESTION What is 68 to a blonde?
ANSWER: Where she goes down on you and you owe her one.

QUESTION What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
ANSWER: Trying to hold on to a thought.

QUESTION Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
ANSWER: Because it said 'concentrate'.

QUESTION Why did the blonde take two hits of acid?
ANSWER: She wanted to go on a round trip.

QUESTION Why did the blonde with a big pussy douche with crest?
ANSWER: She heard that it reduces cavities.

QUESTION Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?
ANSWER: She thought it was diet coke.

QUESTION WHY DID THE BLONDE BAKE A CHICKEN FOR 3 AND A HALF DAYS?
ANSWER: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125.

QUESTION WHY DID THE BLONDE PUT HER FINGER OVER THE NAIL WHEN SHE WAS HAMMERING?
ANSWER: The noise gave her a headache.

QUESTION WHY DID THE BLONDE HAVE BLISTERS ON HER LIPS?
ANSWER: From trying to blow out lightbulbs.

QUESTION Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar?
ANSWER: She heard that the drinks were on the house.

QUESTION Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
ANSWER: They don't know the route.

QUESTION Why do blondes work seven days a week?
ANSWER: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

QUESTION What is the first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons ?
ANSWER: You can also sit upright in a car.

QUESTION What's the definition of a metallurgist?
ANSWER: A man who can tell if a platinum blonde is a virgin metal or a common ore.

QUESTION What is the difference between a new blonde and an old blonde?
ANSWER: Vaseline and Poli-Grip.

QUESTION What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a dead skunk in the road?
ANSWER: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

QUESTION What is the difference between a blonde and a prostitute?
ANSWER: Prostitutes don't drive Ferrari's

QUESTION WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ELVIS AND SMART BLONDES?
ANSWER: Elvis has been sighted.

QUESTION WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BLONDES AND TRAFFIC SIGNS?
ANSWER: Some traffic signs say stop.

QUESTION WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A LIGHTBULB?
ANSWER: The lightbulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.

QUESTION WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A BITCH?
ANSWER: A blonde will fuck anyone, a bitch will fuck anyone but you.

QUESTION WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BLONDE AND A SHOPPING CART?
ANSWER: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.

QUESTION WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CORN FARMER WITH EPILEPSY AND A BLONDE WITH DIARRHEA?
ANSWER: One shucks between fits.

QUESTION What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
ANSWER: It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

QUESTION What's the difference between a blonde and a walrus?
ANSWER: One has whiskers and fishy flaps, and the other is a walrus.

QUESTION What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?
ANSWER: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.

QUESTION What is foreplay for a blonde?
ANSWER: Thirty minutes of begging.

QUESTION What is a blonde's idea of dental floss?
ANSWER: Pubic hair.

QUESTION What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet?
ANSWER: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once.

QUESTION What's the difference between a blonde and a phone booth?
ANSWER1: You need a quarter to use the phone.
ANSWER2: Only one person can use the phone at once.

QUESTION What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
ANSWER: They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

QUESTION What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine?
ANSWER: She peed on her corn flakes.

QUESTION What did the blind blonde say to her new boyfriend as she was making love to him?
ANSWER: "Funny, you don't feel Jewish."

QUESTION What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
ANSWER: She turned it over and used the other side.

QUESTION What did the really dumb blond say when someone blew in her bra?
ANSWER: Thanks for the refill.

QUESTION What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase?
ANSWER: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."

QUESTION How does a blonde commit suicide?
ANSWER: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

QUESTION How do you plant dope?
ANSWER: Bury a blonde.

QUESTION Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
ANSWER: Because he didn't want them shitting in the streets during parades.

QUESTION How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
ANSWER: Wave to her.

QUESTION How does a blonde measure his/her IQ?
ANSWER: With a tire gauge! (da da dum)

QUESTION How does the blond turn on the light after she has had sex?
ANSWER: She opens the car door.

QUESTION How does a blonde get pregnant?
ANSWER: And I thought blondes were dumb!

QUESTION How does a blonde part their hair?
ANSWER1: (Action of scissoring legs apart)
ANSWER2: By doing the splits.

QUESTION How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
ANSWER: Shine a torch in her ears.

QUESTION How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm?
ANSWER1: She drops her nail-file!
ANSWER2: Who cares?
ANSWER3: She says, "Next".
ANSWER4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder.
ANSWER5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes.
ANSWER6: I mean, who really cares?
ANSWER7: The batteries have run out.

QUESTION How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
ANSWER: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

QUESTION Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
ANSWER: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

QUESTION How do you kill a blonde?
ANSWER: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

QUESTION How do blondes pierce their ears?
ANSWER: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.

QUESTION How does a blonde like her eggs?
ANSWER: Unfertilized.

QUESTION How do you drown a blond?
ANSWER1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.
ANSWER2: Don't tell her to swallow.
ANSWER3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

QUESTION How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping?
ANSWER: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

QUESTION How does a blonde high-5?
ANSWER: She smacks herself in the forehead.

QUESTION How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
ANSWER: Flattered.

QUESTION What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
ANSWER: A know-it-all bitch.

QUESTION What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde?
ANSWER: One's a phony buck.

QUESTION What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician?
ANSWER: A magician has a cunning array of stunts.

QUESTION What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
ANSWER: One that never misses a period.

QUESTION What does a blonde think an innuendo is?
ANSWER: An Italian suppository.

QUESTION What is every blonde's ambition in life?
ANSWER: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

QUESTION WHAT CAN SAVE A DYING BLONDE?
ANSWER: Hair transplants.

QUESTION WHAT DID THE BLOND SAY WHEN SHE WOKE UP UNDER THE COW?
ANSWER: What are you guys still doing here?

QUESTION WHAT ARE THE WORST SIX YEARS IN A BLONDE'S LIFE?
ANSWER: Third Grade.

QUESTION WHAT DID THE BLONDE SAY ABOUT BLONDE JOKES?
ANSWER: She said they were pretty good, but they might offend some Puerto Ricans.

QUESTION WHAT DID THE BLONDE THINK OF THE NEW COMPUTER?
ANSWER: She didn't like it because she couldn't get MTV.

QUESTION What did the blonde do when she heard the British were coming?
ANSWER: She stopped sucking.

QUESTION What did the blonde say when she was showed her newborn baby in the delivery room?
ANSWER: I'm not going to suck anything *that* small.

QUESTION What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
ANSWER: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.

QUESTION What does a blond say during a porno?
ANSWER: There I am!!

QUESTION Why doesn't a blondes guts fall out of her twat when she stands?
ANSWER: Because the vaccum in her head keeps them in place.

QUESTION What's the difference between having sex with a blonde and eating Jell-o?
ANSWER: Jell-o wiggles when you eat it.

QUESTION What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
ANSWER1: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.
ANSWER2: Something that when it gives you a blow job, it won't stop until it gets blood.


QUESTION Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses?
ANSWER: She was having sunny periods.

QUESTION What two things in the air can get a blonde pregnant?
ANSWER: Her feet!

QUESTION How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
ANSWER: When she farts, her knees bag.

QUESTION How can you tell when a blonde is horny?
ANSWER: Stick your hand down her panties. If it feels like a horse eating oats, she's horny.

QUESTION What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
ANSWER: Marriage.

QUESTION What's the ultimate embarassment for a blonde?
ANSWER: When her Ben-Wa balls set off the airport metal detector.

QUESTION What's six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy?
ANSWER: A hundred dollar bill.

QUESTION How is a blonde like a frying pan?
ANSWER: You have to get them hot before you put in the meat.

QUESTION How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
ANSWER: A 69 interrupted by a period.

QUESTION How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings ?
ANSWER: Tell them a joke on Friday night !

QUESTION How do you describe the perfect blonde?
ANSWER: 3 feet tall, no teeth, and a flat head to rest your beer on.

QUESTION How do you confuse a blonde?
ANSWER: You don't. They're born that way.

QUESTION Why do blondes hate M&Ms?
ANSWER: They're too hard to peel.

QUESTION How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
ANSWER: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

QUESTION What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
ANSWER: Proofreading.

QUESTION Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
ANSWER: For throwing out the W's.

QUESTION Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID?
ANSWER: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

QUESTION Why does a blonde have fur on the hem of her dress?
ANSWER: To keep her ankles warm.

QUESTION How can you tell a blonde had a bad day?
ANSWER: Her tampon is behind her ear and she doesn't know what she did with her cigarette.

QUESTION What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
ANSWER: Way to go team!

QUESTION How can you tell if a blonde has a vibrator?
ANSWER: By the chipped tooth.

QUESTION How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
ANSWER: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)

QUESTION How do you keep a blonde busy?
ANSWER: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.

QUESTION Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
ANSWER: To keep from bruising their ears.

QUESTION Why do blondes have vaginas?
ANSWER: So guys will talk to them at parties.

QUESTION Why does the blonde stand in front of a window during a thunder storm?
ANSWER: She loves having her picture taken (flashes, got it?).

QUESTION What do you call a blonde with a runny nose?
ANSWER: Full.

QUESTION What does a blonde answer to the question "Are you sexually active?"
ANSWER: "No, I just lie there."

QUESTION What's the first thing a blonde says in the morning?
ANSWER: "Thanks, guys..."

QUESTION What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of the pool?
ANSWER: Air pockets.

QUESTION What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde?
ANSWER: "Space. The final frontier......"

QUESTION What's brown and red and black and blue?
ANSWER: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.

QUESTION What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a corner?
ANSWER: You don't, you see if you've got 3 condoms.

QUESTION How does the blonde car pool work?
ANSWER: They all meet at work at 7:45.

QUESTION What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
ANSWER: Her IQ goes up!

QUESTION What happens when a blonde puts her panties on backwards?
ANSWER: She gets her ass chewed out.

QUESTION Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
ANSWER: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.

QUESTION Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
ANSWER: They always forget the recipe.

QUESTION Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
ANSWER: Because you don't have to marry them to have sex with them!

QUESTION Did you hear about the blonde that said she would do anything for a fur coat?
ANSWER: Well, now she can't button it.(prego)

QUESTION Did you hear about the sophisticated blonde?
ANSWER: She thought her period was French Provincial.

QUESTION Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio?
ANSWER: It took her two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.

QUESTION Did you hear about the blonde whose boyfriend say id he loved her?
ANSWER: She believed him.

QUESTION Did you hear about the new epidemic among blondes?
ANSWER: It's called MAIDS - if the don't get one, they die.

QUESTION Did you hear about the blond with a Masters degree in Psychology?
ANSWER: She'll blow your mind, too.

QUESTION Did you hear about the new slogan for Miss Clairol's Hair Dye?
ANSWER: Buy a double batch and get a snatch to match.

QUESTION Did you hear about the conceited blonde?
ANSWER: She screams her own name when she comes.

QUESTION Did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank?
ANSWER: She tied up the safe and blew the guard.

QUESTION Did you hear about the blonde who had an apendix operation?
ANSWER: Well, now she is making money on the side.

QUESTION Did you hear about the scared blonde nurse down by the water?
ANSWER: She won't go DOWN ON THE DOC.

QUESTION Did you hear about the blond that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds?
ANSWER: She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.

QUESTION DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT ALMOST CAUSED A WRECK?
ANSWER: The spare tire in her trunk blew out.

QUESTION DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE DOCTOR?
ANSWER: She shaved her patients, then took off their clothes.

QUESTION DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE THAT ATE MOUNTAIN OYSTERS?
ANSWER: She was dragged 200 yards.

QUESTION Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see 20,000 leagues under the sea?
ANSWER: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams.

QUESTION DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BLONDE WHO STOOD IN FRONT OF A MIRROR WITH HER EYES CLOSED?
ANSWER: She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.

QUESTION DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL FOR BLONDES?
ANSWER: They take off their makeup.

QUESTION Why won't a blonde drink beer at the beach?
ANSWER: She's afraid to get sand in her Busch.

QUESTION Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
ANSWER: To keep their legs together.

QUESTION Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
ANSWER: So she could keep the refrigerator cold.

QUESTION Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing?
ANSWER: The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes.

QUESTION Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?
ANSWER: Her employer found out she was embezzling.

QUESTION How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
ANSWER: She fell out of the tree.

QUESTION HOW MANY BLONDES DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB?
ANSWER: Blondes screw in back seats, not in lightbulbs, silly.

QUESTION How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek?
ANSWER: One.

QUESTION Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN ?
ANSWER: She didn't know what ONE came first...

QUESTION Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
ANSWER1: Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.
ANSWER2: Their mothers told them not with their mouths full.

QUESTION What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
ANSWER: Divorced.

QUESTION What do you call a blonde without an asshole?
ANSWER: Divorced.

QUESTION How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
ANSWER: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!

QUESTION How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
ANSWER: You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.

QUESTION How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde?
ANSWER: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.

QUESTION How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
ANSWER: She threw it off a cliff.

QUESTION How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
ANSWER: She fell out of the tree.

QUESTION How did the blonde die drinking milk?
ANSWER: The cow fell on her.

QUESTION How did the blonde burn her nose?
ANSWER: Bobbing for french fries.

QUESTION How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
ANSWER: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

QUESTION What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
ANSWER: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

QUESTION What did the blonde think of the new computer?
ANSWER: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9....

QUESTION How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
ANSWER: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

QUESTION How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
ANSWER: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.

QUESTION How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
ANSWER: By the buckle print on her forehead.

QUESTION How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
ANSWER: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead!

QUESTION How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
ANSWER: She has a checkbook.

QUESTION How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
ANSWER: There is a stamp on it.

QUESTION How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
ANSWER: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

QUESTION What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
ANSWER: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

QUESTION What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
ANSWER: The Panama Canal is a busy ditch.

QUESTION What's the difference between a tribe of pygmies and a blonde track team?
ANSWER: The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts.

QUESTION What is the difference between a crazy fighting hockey player and a blonde?
ANSWER: He is fussy by nature and would go to any length to get a puck.

QUESTION What's the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
ANSWER: You take off your shoes before using a trampoline.

QUESTION What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde?
ANSWER: The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?"
                   The nympho says "Are you done already?"
                   The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

QUESTION What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
ANSWER: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

QUESTION What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
ANSWER: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

QUESTION What is the difference between a blonde and a shower?
ANSWER: A shower has to be turned on to get wet.

QUESTION What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
ANSWER: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

QUESTION What's the difference between a blond having her period and a terrorist?
ANSWER: You can negotiate with a terrorist.

QUESTION What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
ANSWER: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

QUESTION What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
ANSWER: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

QUESTION What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
ANSWER: Not everybody has been in a limo.

QUESTION What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
ANSWER1: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
ANSWER2: You can't fit the blonde in the bowling ball.
ANSWER3: There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke.
ANSWER4: You don't eat your bowling ball

QUESTION What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
ANSWER: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.

QUESTION What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
ANSWER: Lipstick.

QUESTION Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
ANSWER: You can park in the handicap zone.

QUESTION Why is a blonde like a turtle?
ANSWER: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

QUESTION Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
ANSWER: It takes too long to retrain them.

QUESTION Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
ANSWER: They're doing research on black holes.

QUESTION Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
ANSWER: So she can have a doggie bag for later.

QUESTION Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
ANSWER: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

QUESTION Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
ANSWER1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
ANSWER2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.

QUESTION Why do men like blonde jokes??
ANSWER: Because they can understand them.

QUESTION Why do blondes like lightning?
ANSWER: They think someone is taking their picture.

QUESTION Why do blondes always drink with straws?
ANSWER: Practice.

QUESTION Why do all blondes all have a dimple on their chin and a flat forehead?
ANSWER: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it!

QUESTION Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces?
ANSWER: From eating with forks.

QUESTION Why do blondes have more fun?
ANSWER1: Because they don't know any better.
ANSWER2: They are easier to keep amused.
ANSWER3: Because they are easier to find in the dark.

QUESTION Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
ANSWER: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!

QUESTION Why do blondes have legs?
ANSWER1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
ANSWER2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
ANSWER3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

QUESTION Why do blondes have two more brain cells than a cow?
ANSWER: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.
ANSWER2: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.

QUESTION Why do blondes drive BMWs?
ANSWER: Because they can spell it.

QUESTION Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
ANSWER: *Who cares?*

QUESTION Why do blondes have periods?
ANSWER: They deserve them

QUESTION Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
ANSWER: From dating blonde men.

QUESTION What does the postcard from a blond's vacation say?
ANSWER: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?

QUESTION What do a blonde and a good beer have in common?
ANSWER: They both go down easy.

QUESTION What does a blonde and a tampon have in common?
ANSWER: They're both stuck up c*nts!

QUESTION Why do blondes wear tampons?
ANSWER: Because crabs like Bungie Jumping too.

QUESTION Why do blondes drive VW's
ANSWER: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!

QUESTION Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
ANSWER: To cover up the valve stem.

QUESTION Why do blonds have square boobs?
ANSWER: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

QUESTION Why do Blondes take the pill?
ANSWER: So they know what day of the week it is.

QUESTION But why do brunettes take the pill ?
ANSWER: Wishful Thinking.

QUESTION Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
ANSWER: Toes go in first.

QUESTION Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
ANSWER: Tits go in front.

QUESTION Why do blondes like tilt steering?
ANSWER: More head room.

QUESTION Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
ANSWER: More leg room.

QUESTION Why do blonds have orgasms ?
ANSWER: So they know when to stop having sex !

QUESTION Why do blondes wear underwear?
ANSWER: They make good ankle warmers.

QUESTION Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
ANSWER: Because red means stop.

QUESTION Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
ANSWER: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

QUESTION Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
ANSWER: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

QUESTION Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
ANSWER: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

QUESTION Why do blondes wear their hair up?
ANSWER: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads.

QUESTION Why don't blondes double recipes?
ANSWER: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

QUESTION Why don't blondes make good pharmacists?
ANSWER: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter.

QUESTION Why don't blondes call 911 in an emergency?
ANSWER1: They can't remember the number.
ANSWER2: She can't find the number 11 on the telephone buttons.

QUESTION Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
ANSWER: They always forget the "11" in "9-1-1".

QUESTION Why don't blondes eat bananas?
ANSWER: They can't find the zipper.

QUESTION Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
ANSWER: Cause their balls show!

QUESTION Why don't blonds breast feed?
ANSWER: Because they always burn their niples.

QUESTION Why don't blondes use vibrators?
ANSWER: They chip their teeth.

QUESTION Why don't blondes eat Jello?
ANSWER: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.

QUESTION Why don't blondes eat pickles?
ANSWER: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

QUESTION What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
ANSWER1: Introduces themself.
ANSWER2: Walks home.

QUESTION What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
ANSWER: Opens the car door.

QUESTION What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
ANSWER: Bucket seats.

QUESTION What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex?
ANSWER: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

QUESTION How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
ANSWER1: "What's a lightbulb?"
ANSWER2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
ANSWER3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

QUESTION What's a blonde's favourite wine?
ANSWER: "Daaaady, I want to go to Miaaami!"

QUESTION What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
ANSWER: Not everyone has been in a 747

QUESTION What do you call a blonde touching her toes?
ANSWER: A brunette with bad breath.

QUESTION Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
ANSWER: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
ANSWER2: None of them, three don't exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

QUESTION If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
ANSWER1: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
ANSWER2: The brunette. The blonde is such an air head.

QUESTION What's the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
ANSWER: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

QUESTION What's the difference between a blond and an ice cream cone?
ANSWER: Ice cream cones don't lick back.

QUESTION What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
ANSWER: Butter is difficult to spread.

QUESTION What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
ANSWER: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

QUESTION What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
ANSWER: Bigfoot has been spotted.

QUESTION Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
ANSWER: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.

QUESTION What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
ANSWER: "Nice tits!"

QUESTION What does a blonde make best for dinner?
ANSWER: Reservations.

QUESTION What do Darren Millane (Collingwood footballer killed in a recent car crash) and a blonde have in common?
ANSWER: Put either of 'em in a car and their fucked.

QUESTION What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
ANSWER: Pack their lunch and send them to work.

QUESTION What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
ANSWER: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

QUESTION What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
ANSWER: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

QUESTION What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
ANSWER: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

QUESTION What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
ANSWER1: They both have a black box.
ANSWER2: Both have a cockpit.

QUESTION What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
ANSWER: Change.

QUESTION What does a blonde say if you blow in his/her ear?
ANSWER: "Thanks for the refill!"

QUESTION What do blondes do after they comb their hair?
ANSWER: They pull up their pants.

QUESTION What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
ANSWER: Last years hide and go seek winner.

QUESTION What do you call a basement full of blondes?
ANSWER: A whine cellar.

QUESTION What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?
ANSWER: Air bubbles.

QUESTION What do you call a room full of women, half with PMS, half with yeast infections?
ANSWER: A whine and cheese party!

QUESTION What do you call 3 blondes, a chimp, and another blonde standing on a street corner?
ANSWER: 4 bucks, 4 bucks, 4 bucks, not for a zillion bucks, 4 bucks!

QUESTION What do you call a blonde lesbian?
ANSWER: A waste.

QUESTION What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
ANSWER: An air mattress.

QUESTION What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
ANSWER: An Air Bag.

QUESTION What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
ANSWER: A mental block.

QUESTION What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
ANSWER: A wind tunnel.

QUESTION What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
ANSWER: A dope ring.

QUESTION What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
ANSWER: Divorcee'

QUESTION What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
ANSWER: Pregnant.

QUESTION What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
ANSWER: A visitor.

QUESTION What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
ANSWER: Gifted!

QUESTION What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
ANSWER: All you can eat, under a buck.

QUESTION What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
ANSWER: An interpreter.

QUESTION What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?
ANSWER: Sweet Fuck All...

QUESTION What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
ANSWER: Bobbing for Bimbos.

QUESTION What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
ANSWER: Frosted Flakes.

QUESTION What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
ANSWER: A Space Invader.

QUESTION What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
ANSWER: Branch Manager.

QUESTION What do you call a smart blond?
ANSWER1: A golden retriever.
ANSWER2: An indicator of a really bad hangover.

QUESTION What do you call two nuns and a blonde?
ANSWER: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.

QUESTION What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
ANSWER: The back of her head.

QUESTION What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
ANSWER: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...

QUESTION What do you call a hooker and four blondes?
ANSWER: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.

QUESTION What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette?
ANSWER: Artificial intelligence.

QUESTION What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
ANSWER: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

QUESTION What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
ANSWER: Pull the pin and throw it back.

QUESTION What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
ANSWER1: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
ANSWER2: You can pick them up, stick your fingers in them, and throw them in the gutter and they'll always come back.

QUESTION What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
ANSWER: Her ankles.

QUESTION What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
ANSWER: "Have another beer."

QUESTION What do Blondes say after sex?
ANSWER1: Thanks Guys.
ANSWER2: Are you boys all in the same band?
ANSWER3: Do you guys all play for the (..............)? insert team name here.

QUESTION What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
ANSWER: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

QUESTION What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
ANSWER: They're both empty from the neck up.

QUESTION What do blonds and spaghetti have in common?
ANSWER: They both wriggle when you eat them.

QUESTION What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
ANSWER: They both have black roots.

QUESTION What does a blonde owl say?
ANSWER: What, what?

QUESTION What do you call a zit on a blonde's ass?
ANSWER: A brain tumor.

QUESTION What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
ANSWER: Two brunettes.

QUESTION What do a blonde and Presdient Gorbachev have in common?
ANSWER: They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.

QUESTION What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev?
ANSWER: He knows who the ten men were.

QUESTION How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
ANSWER1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
ANSWER2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

QUESTION What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date.
ANSWER: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

QUESTION What's the Blonde's cheer?
ANSWER: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B.L.O.N....ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."

QUESTION Why did the blonde cross the road?
ANSWER: Never mind that! What was she doing out of the bedroom?!?

QUESTION Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
ANSWER: To see what was on the other side.

QUESTION Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
ANSWER: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

QUESTION Why did they stop doing the "WAVE" at BYU?
ANSWER: Too many blondes were drowning.

QUESTION Why did Bush want to send blondes with PMS over to Iraq?
ANSWER: They're mad enough to kill and they can retain water.

QUESTION Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
ANSWER: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

QUESTION Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
ANSWER: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

QUESTION Why do blondes give such good blowjobs?
ANSWER: Because that's what they train for all their lives.

QUESTION Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
ANSWER: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

QUESTION Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
ANSWER: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".

QUESTION Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
ANSWER: In case she locks the keys in her car.

QUESTION Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
ANSWER: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

QUESTION Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
ANSWER: So she could lip read.

QUESTION Why did God create blondes?
ANSWER: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
QUESTION Why did God create brunettes?
ANSWER: Neither could the blondes.

QUESTION Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?
ANSWER: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

QUESTION Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
ANSWER: To turn the blinker off.

QUESTION Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
ANSWER: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

QUESTION Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
ANSWER: To see what was on the other side.

QUESTION Why did the blonde want to become a veternarian?
ANSWER: Because she loved children.

QUESTION Why did the blond take her typewriter to the doctor ??
ANSWER: She thought it was pregnant becaus missed a period.

QUESTION Why did they call the blond twinkie?
ANSWER: She liked to be filled with cream.

QUESTION Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?
ANSWER: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.

QUESTION Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
ANSWER: She'd just dyed her hair.

QUESTION Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
ANSWER: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

QUESTION Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
ANSWER: Because it kept falling out.

QUESTION Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
ANSWER: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

QUESTION Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
ANSWER: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

QUESTION WHATS THE DIFFERANCE BETWEEN A FRIDGE AND A FANNY?
ANSWER: A FRIDGE DOSN'T FART WHEN YOU TAKE THE MEAT OUT.

QUESTION How do you confuse a blonde?
ANSWER: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.

QUESTION Why does it work?
ANSWER: "Does 3 come before E, between M and W, or at the end?"

QUESTION Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
ANSWER: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

QUESTION What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
ANSWER: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).

QUESTION What is the blonde's favorite battery?
ANSWER: Ever-ready.

QUESTION What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
ANSWER: A blond doing cartwheels.

QUESTION What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
ANSWER: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.

QUESTION What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon?
ANSWER: A vacant possession.

QUESTION Why did the blonde fail her drivers license ?
ANSWER: She wasn't used to the front seat!

QUESTION Why did she finally pass her test?
ANSWER: She took the examiner with her

QUESTION Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
ANSWER: She missed the Earth!

QUESTION Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
ANSWER: She blew it both times!

QUESTION What do a moped and a blond have in common?
ANSWER: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.

QUESTION How do you know when a blond's been in your frige?
ANSWER: Lipstick on the cucumbers!

QUESTION What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
ANSWER: All you have to do is scratch the box to win

QUESTION Why are blondes so sexually promiscuous?
ANSWER: Who cares

QUESTION What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
ANSWER: About 2 cans of hair spray

QUESTION What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
ANSWER: Pick them up off the floor

QUESTION Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
ANSWER: The vegetable garden.

QUESTION How many blondes does it take to play tag?
ANSWER: One.

QUESTION What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde and a pedal cycle at the side of the road?
ANSWER: One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . .

QUESTION What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
ANSWER: Far-from-thinkin

QUESTION Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean?
ANSWER: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.

QUESTION What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
ANSWER: She slipped off and fell down the drain.

QUESTION Why do blondes occupy about 90% of the net bandwidth?
ANSWER: Because they keep accidentally deleting their copies of the Blonde Joke List.

QUESTION What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
ANSWER1: The Blonde!
ANSWER2: The other guys waiting their turn.

QUESTION What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
ANSWER: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'

QUESTION What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
ANSWER: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

QUESTION What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
ANSWER: Spot.

QUESTION What's a blonds' favourite rock group?
ANSWER: Air Supply.

QUESTION Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling ?
ANSWER: A blond electrician

QUESTION Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
ANSWER1: So brunettes can remember them.
ANSWER2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.

QUESTION Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde ????
ANSWER: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

QUESTION Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
ANSWER: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

QUESTION What did the blonde do when she got her period?
ANSWER: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

QUESTION Why are blondes like cornflakes ?
ANSWER: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

QUESTION Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
ANSWER: They keep breaking them with the hammers.

QUESTION What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
ANSWER: Perri-air

QUESTION Did you hear about the blonde coyote?
ANSWER: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

QUESTION When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
ANSWER: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

QUESTION What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
ANSWER: The Air Pump!

QUESTION Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
ANSWER: Because she got an F in sex.

QUESTION Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
ANSWER: She missed.

QUESTION Why are there no dumb brunettes?
ANSWER: Peroxide.

QUESTION What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg.
ANSWER: Nothing - they've never met.

QUESTION What is the blonde's chronic speech impediment?
ANSWER: She can't say "No".

QUESTION What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear?
ANSWER: Data transfer.

QUESTION Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Supermarket Trolley.
ANSWER: A supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.

QUESTION Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
ANSWER: They can't keep their calves together!

QUESTION What was the blond psychic's greatest achievment?
ANSWER: An IN-body experience!

QUESTION What was the blonde surgeon's claim to fame?
ANSWER: The world's first hemorrhoid transplant.

QUESTION When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
ANSWER: After a dye job.

QUESTION What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
ANSWER: Humpme Dumpme.

QUESTION What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
ANSWER: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

QUESTION What did the South African blonde give her boyfriend?
ANSWER: Apart-head.

QUESTION What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
ANSWER: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

QUESTION Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
ANSWER: Cause she blows the horn!!!!!

QUESTION Why is a blonde like a door knob?
ANSWER: 'Cause everybody gets a turn.

QUESTION Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
ANSWER: 'Cause she's been laid all over the country.

QUESTION Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
ANSWER: She kept having affairs with men!

QUESTION What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
ANSWER: She picks up her purse and goes home.

QUESTION If an blonde and a brunette jumped off a bridge, who would die first?
ANSWER: The brunette -- because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.

QUESTION To a blonde, what is long and hard?
ANSWER: Grade 4.

QUESTION What is the definition of gross ignorance?
ANSWER: 144 blondes.

QUESTION What is the definition of "fuck off"?
ANSWER: The final round of an all blonde beauty contest.

QUESTION What's the white stuff you find in a blonde's panties?
ANSWER: Clitty litter.

QUESTION What is a bellybutton for?
ANSWER: It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.

QUESTION What is a blonde's only complaint about oral sex?
ANSWER: The lousy view.

QUESTION Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
ANSWER: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

QUESTION What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
ANSWER: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

QUESTION Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
ANSWER: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

QUESTION What did the blonde say to the physicist?
ANSWER: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

QUESTION Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
ANSWER: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".

QUESTION Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
ANSWER: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.

QUESTION What is the definition of the perfect woman?
ANSWER: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

QUESTION Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
ANSWER: They both drip when they're fucked.

QUESTION How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
ANSWER: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

QUESTION Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
ANSWER: It swells at night.

QUESTION A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
ANSWER: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

QUESTION A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
ANSWER: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

QUESTION HOW DOES A BLONDE PREPARE FOR SAFE SEX?
ANSWER: She puts on rubber based lipstick.

QUESTION What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
ANSWER: Locking the car door.

QUESTION Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
ANSWER: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

QUESTION What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents
occur within 5 miles of home?
ANSWER: She moved 10 miles away.

QUESTION What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
ANSWER: A blonde parade.

QUESTION Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
ANSWER: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

QUESTION Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
ANSWER: She burned her lips on the tailpipe.

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