Oxymorons

Menu

"Anarchy rules!"
"Free with purchase"
"Happy Monday"
"Never generalize"
"One size fits all"
"Slow children" (sign with a picture of a running child)
"Thank God I'm an Atheist"
"This page intentionally left blank"
A little big
Academic sorority
Accordion music
Accurate stereotype
Act naturally
Advanced BASIC
Aerobic exercise
Affirmative action, equal opportunity
Affordable housing
Aging yuppie
Airline food
Almost exactly
Alone together
American beer
American chop suey
American culture
American education
American English
American geographers
American history
American Honda
Apple tech support
Arms limitation
Art student
Artificial intelligence
Athletic scholarship
Australian spelling
Automated data processing
Back to the future
Bad health
Balding hair
Bankrupt millionaire
Beginning Finnish
Better than new
Black light
Boring orgasm
Brave politician
British fashion
Budget deficit
Bug free code
Business ethics
Butthead
Cafeteria food
California culture
California expressway
Canadian culture
Casual intimacy
Catproof
Central Intelligence Agency
Centrally-planned economy
Cheerful pessimist
Childproof
Christian education
Christian militia
Christian Scientists
Church of Scientology
Civil engineer
Civil servant
Civil libertarian
Civil war
Classic rock & roll
Clean dirt
Clean hack
Clearly confused
Clearly misunderstood
Clinton leadership
Coca-Cola Foods
Coed fraternity/sorority
Collective liberty
College algebra
College education
Colored music
Committee schedule
Committee decision
Common sense
Communist Party
Completely unfinished
Compulsory volunteering
Computer science
Computer jock
Computer security
Congressional action
Congressional ethics
Congressional hearing
Congressional oversight
Conservative Democrat
Conspicuous absence
Constant change
Construction worker
Convenience store
Cooperative multitasking
Corporate planning
Cost effective
Country music
Courtesy towing
Creation science
Curved line
Customer satisfaction
CNN style
Debugged program
Debutante ball
Decent lawyer
Definite maybe
Degradable plastic
Democratic Congress
Department of the Interior
Desktop publishing
Diet ice cream
Dining hall food
Disco music
Down escalator/elevator
Dress pants
Driving pleasure
Dry beer
Dry ice
Dry wine
DOS operating system
Economic reform
Electroshock therapy
English syntax
Enquiring minds
Environmentalist bumper sticker
Ergonomic keyboard
European Community
Evolutionary fact
Exact estimate
Executive decision
Express bus
Express mail
Fair reporting
Fair trial
Fallout shelter
Family entertainment
Fast food
Federal budget
Fighting for peace
Final version
First annual
First-strike defense
Flat-busted
Flexible freeze
Football scholarship
Forth programming language
Found missing
Free election
Free electron laser
Free love
Freezer burn
French culture
Fresh frozen
Friendly advice
Friendly competitor
Friendly fire
Full-length bikini
Full service
Functional manager
Funny clean joke
Fuzzy logic
Gay drill sergeant
Genuine imitation
Good grief
Good mother-in-law
Good Alan Rudolph film
Government aid/assistance
Government efficiency
Government integrity
Government organization
Graduate student
Great Britain
Guest host
Gunboat diplomacy
Half dead
Happily married
Hard disk
Hard water
Hazardous waste disposal
Helicopter flight
Higher education
Holy Roman Empire
Holy War
Honest crook
Honest politician
House Ethics Committee
Huge market niche
Human evolution
Indecent exposure
Industrial park
Institutional Revolutionary Party
Intelligent lifeforms
Internal Revenue Service
IBM compatible
Journalistic accuracy
Journalistic integrity
Jumbo shrimp
Just in Time (JIT)
Justice Rehnquist
Justice Thomas
Kentucky Fried Chicken
Kosher ham
Lace-up loafers
Lebanese government
Legal brief
Legal ethics
Legally drunk
Liberal Party (conservative)
Liberal, Kansas
Liquid crystal
Literal interpretation
Living dead
Long Island Expressway
Male compassion
Management science
Management support
Management action
Management style
Marketing strategy
Married life
Martial law
Math teacher
Mature student
McDonalds dinner
Meatless hamburger
Medicaid payment
Medical ethics
Microsoft Works
Middle East peace process
Military intelligence
Militant justice
Military peace
Modified final judgment
Monopoly
Moral Majority
Mutual attraction
Mutually exclusive
Necessary meeting
New Classic
New Democrat
New Mexico
Nice cat
Noble savage
Non-alcoholic beer
Non-denominational church
Nonworking mother
Now, then
Nuclear defense
Objective parent
Oddly appropriate
Open VMS
Operating system
Operation Rescue
Pacific Ocean
Paperless office
Partly pregnant
Passive aggression
Peace force
Peace officer
PeaceMaker missile
People's Democratic Republic Of Yemen
Personal computer
Petty cash
Philosophy science
Plastic glasses
Plastic silverware
Pocket calculator
Police protection
Polite cabbie
Political leadership
Political science
Politically correct
Poor Republican
Pop art
Portable standard Lisp
Postal Service
Pot luck
Practical logic
Precision bombing
Presidential promises
Pretty ugly
Private e-mail
Productivity committee
Professional courtesy
Progressive Conservative
Proprietary standard
Psychiatric care
Public school education
Quality assurance
Quality service
Quebec intellectual
QuickBASIC
Quick fix
Quick reboot
R & D
Rap music
Rapid transit
Rare steak
Reagan memoirs
Real fantasy
Realistic schedule
Real-time computing
Reasonable female
Recently new
Reckless caution
Red Indians
Relativistic correction
Religious education
Religious fact
Religious tolerance
Religious science
Republican initiative
Resident alien
Responsible committee
Restrained grandparent
Rolling stop
Rush hour
Russian economy
Safe sex
Same difference
Sanitary landfill
Satisfied Democrat
Saving price
Savings & loan
School food
School vacation
Scottish Danish (actual pastry sold at 7-11)
Second best
Sedate sex
Semi truck
Semi-boneless ham
Senate Ethics Committee
Sensitive male
Severely/slightly killed
Silent scream
Small crowd
Smart bomb
Smart drugs
Social Security
Social science
Socialist Worker
Soft rock
Software documentation
Software engineering
Solid glass
Southern justice
Spare rib
Speed limit
Sports sedan
Stealth bomber
Straight hook
Strawberry Blond
Student athlete
Student teacher
Summer school
Suburban culture
Supporting documentation
Sweet sorrow
Swiss Steak
Synthetic natural gas
Tame cat
Taped live
Tax return
Television critic
Temporary tax increase
Terribly pleased
Terminal initialization
Tight slacks
Tone color
Total Quality Management (TQM)
True gossip
True story
Unbiased journalism
Unbiased news reports
Unbiased opinion
Unbiased predisposition
Uncontested divorce
Understanding banker
Understanding Unix
Union workers
United States
University of Nevada at Las Vegas
Unix prompt
Unix security
Unsalted Saltines
Urban planning
User friendliness
User-friendly war
Vegetable beef soup
Ventura Freeway
Violent agreement
Virtual reality
Voting power
Waiting patiently
War games
War hero
Wilderness management
Windows NT (New Technology)
Wonder Bread
Woods Metal
Working vacation
Work Party
Young Floridian
Yummy sushi
10K fun run
12-ounce pound cake
6502-based computer

THE CANONICAL LIST OF OXYMORONS

Act natural;
Advanced BASIC;
Airline food;
American culture;
Army Intelligence;
Athletic scholarship;
Black Light;
Brave politician;
Business Ethics;
By definition, 1/0 is undefined;
Central Intelligence (Agency)
cheerful pessimist;
Chili;
Communist party (fun time!);
Concerned Reporter;
Congressional Standards;
Congressional Ethics;
Corporate planning;
Creationist Science;
Criminal Justice System;
Criminal Intelligence;
Definite maybe;
Detroit vacation;
Divorce Court;
Fallout Shelter;
Fiduciary Trust;
Freezer Burn;
Good Television (Shows);
Government worker;
Greater Cleveland;
High School Education;
Honest crook;
Honest politician;
Honest Lawyer;
House Ethics Committee;
Innocent youth;
Judicial System;
Jumbo shrimp;
Justice system;
Libertarian Organization;
Liberty Federation;
Limited Nuclear War;
Logical Thought;
Long Island Expressway;
Management Science;
May I ask a question?;
Military Justice;
Military Intelligence;
Moral Majority;
Never generalize!;
New Democratic Party (in Canada);
Non-Alcoholic Beer;
Plastic Silverware;
Plastic glasses;
politically correct;
Postal service;
Practical logic;
Progressive Conservative (one of Canada's political parties);
Rapid transit;
Resident Visitor;
Same difference;
Social Security;
Student Athlete;
Sweet sorrow;
Terribly pleased;
Union craftsman;
United Nations;
well-preserved ruins;
wise fool.

I don't believe in astrology. But, then, I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology.

If ignorance isn't bliss, I don't know what it is.

Book Title: Suggestibility Cured Through Hypnosis

The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography

Bumper Sticker: Honk if you are against Noise Pollution

We are not anticipating any emergencies.

Don't let your willpower get the best of you.

Those who forget this sentence are condemned to reread it.

Solipsists of the world, unite!

Anarchists of the world, unite!

I'm not going to say "I told you so."

Jesus was born in 4 B.C.

Patience will come to he who waits for it.

Am I seeing things, or is that a mirage?


There are two things I dislike in a person - Absentmindedness and... I can't remember the other one.

You can never find a lost-and-found when you need one.

Act natural.

Dyslexics of the world, untie!

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I'll always have each other.

I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.

Teacher's critique of a term paper: "This report is filled with omissions."

Indy 500 proverb: The only bad engine is a dead engine.

Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry.

I'm so meticulous when I do crossword puzzles that I do the horizontal words in blue and the vertical words in red.

It goes without saying that...

Manners are the noises you don't make when eating soup.

Referee's report on a scientific article: "This paper fills a much-needed gap in the theory."

Who can count the cost of innumeracy?

I advocate furtherance of the status quo.

Eye abject two awl homonyms!

French has a Je ne sais quoi, which in an other language would be merely a 'I don't know what.'

Nepotism is okay as long as you keep it in the family.

You simply must stop taking advice from other people.

He speaks Esperanto like a native.

A User's Handbook of Hard-to-Remember Mnemonics

Without scapegoats, humanity is bland. I blame the scapegoats for this.

Detroit implores: buy American! The Seville, the Capri, the Grenada, the Monte Carlo...

I'm going to commit suicide or die trying.

The kindest thing I can say about my wife is that her in-laws are a lot nicer than mine.

The doctor tells me to take something for my Kleptomania.

I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I did, I'd eat it, and God knows I hate the stuff.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it left.

Sign: HAIRCUTS WHILE YOU WAIT

No coffee for me, thanks. Coffee just gets in my mouth.

Everybody generalizes.

Menu